|
There are only so many chances that let us have moments without distractions.
I often raised my eyebrow to a "single" person who complains of life's tragedies
eating away at their time. Most of us who married and have created children
understand the importance of time. Yes, children are our own doing, for
if there really was a stork more of us men would be brandishing shot guns on our
front stoops. The fact still remains; distraction free moments are few and far
between.
Sure, there is that awkward moment in the dentist's office
after they put that bib on and then lower you in the chair. You wait and wait
for the doctor, but then the thinking gets kind of blurred with the blood rushing
to your brain like the tide coming in off the full moon. Of course,
while I have never been to a gynecologist, I imagine being in the stirrups, feeling
the hallway breezes tend not to offer the clearest of moments either.
One
instance where I am often able to steal moments is during the gridlock
of a traffic jam, something my major metropolitan city has no shortage of, especially
yesterday on what turned out to be a sneak preview of the spring nights
that are soon to come. Having just ended a cell phone conversation with
my wife, one that did not leave me thirsting for her return from her out of town
trip, something she said kind of paralyzed me. I turned off the radio,
the cell, and continued on my 30 mile journey at the cruising speed of 7 miles
per hour.
I replayed the conversation in my head over and over to
pinpoint where it went wrong and tried to discover what it was that caused this
moment of confusion. It was analogous to watching a sporting event where
they show 6 seconds of a play over and over again from every which way but Tuesday.
Need!
That was it - "I need you," she said. Why on earth
would something that sounds so incredibly wonderful be so bothersome and distracting
that I missed my exit ramp, even at 5 miles per hour?
Semantics
of needs and wants have been lectured and debated since tablets were inscribed
with rocks. Selfishly I define each of these dynamic words as follows;
a need bears with it a consequence which will result from it not being achieved.
Often a person will assess the amount of work required to obtain a need
and may determine that the consequence of not fulfilling the need is acceptable.
Needs for all purposes have alternative options.
I believe
that in order to obtain a need we set out to do it in the most efficient and minimal
effort that is necessary. Our bodies need oxygen but we only inhale
the minimum amount necessary to sustain our lives. Needs are important,
needs are necessary and obtaining a need can be a wonderful rewarding experience.
Needs though are what gets us through life.
Wants,
on the other hand, are about greed and selfishness. When an individual craves
a want it is for no other plausible reason but personal gratification.
When we want something we will often be reckless in our procurement of it and
not give a second thought to pilfer more than we originally set out to acquire.
There are no limits or boundaries to catching our want and to be unsuccessful
in obtaining our want is not an option it will leaves us feeling pouty
and empty.
Wants can be unreachable, excessive, but most often
are made up of little things we do in life, those stupid little things that mean
the world to us. Wants are what dreams are made of.
I do not
think I am wanted or better still I do not feel wanted, I do feel needed and
to be needed is not such a bad thing. Dwelling on the things that
are wrong or missing in a marriage has me curious if those pitfalls are simply
the result of the lacking of an element of wanting. Perhaps it is nothing
more than just wants that I have longed for from my spouse.
Could
this be why I have sought to stray? Is this really what I am searching search for?
I don't need to be needed…. I want to be wanted. This is the selfish
egregious love that I miss and want!
We are always taught to
focus on our needs in life and then take care of our wants with the time and energy
that we have left. I disagree with this ideology. We do need to
attend to our needs, but what makes life grand is reaching out for our wants.
One of life's greatest gifts that can be bestowed upon us is when someone reaches
out and says I want you. This is what I want. ©
[Back to the top] [Back to Articles Index]
Revised Thursday, March 09, 2006
Copyright © 1997-2006 Philanderers International / Private Affairs
|
|
|
|
