The ramblings of philandering woman

When I was young I envisioned a marriage based on love and desire. Where two people lived passionately, encouraged each other to grow, and most importantly where they worked together to overcome the many obstacles ahead.

I know that marriage is not “happily ever after”. The knight in shining armour whisking his princess away to a world where life is carefree and where their love will continue to flourish without tedious work… is a fairy tale. My reality is one I never anticipated; my marriage would become much like a garden forgotten and left unattended. The flowers still bloom, the birds still sing, but the weeds often block out the sunlight, stifling the garden's growth.

In the years we have been married, my husband and I have discussed our marriage many times. We often discussed ways to improve it. But somewhere along that path we became silent. No longer do we discuss or reach out, we just continue on with the duties at hand.

I have created several masks over the years. First my sexual mask. One that is vibrant in colour and full of sexual excitement. Then the mother mask, one that is soft to the touch and brings peacefulness to all of those who see it. Then my creative mask, which is an array of colours and poetic words. My love mask is made with red silk and satin and only seen by a few. Then my spouse mask; it is blue and it fits comfortably upon my face. My professional mask, determined and strong.

I tried desperately to lose my sexual mask, creative mask, and sadly even my love mask. I buried them deep down in the hopes that they would never resurface because my husband didn't wish to see them. But they did resurface, they called out to me and I found them once again. But instead of placing one on, I chose to look forward to the path that lies ahead. I realized that all of those masks combined are me and I no longer chose to wear just one.

Upon that discovery, I stepped into the world of EMR's. Since then I have made friendships that will last for years to come. I have learned more about myself than I ever thought possible and had relationships that will stay in my heart forever.

I read the forum and the articles. I shift through pages of ads of people looking to live once again and I realize that I am not alone. Once we, as philanderers, have come to the conclusion that we need to step into the world of EMR's, we can become overwhelmed so quickly. Some have long awaited for someone to quench their thirst.

Imagine being in a desert and surrounded only by sand. You are thirsty, your throat is dry and your eyes are blinded as the suns rays beat down on you. You see a figure in the distance and they approach you. You look up at them as they offer you water to quench your thirst. You reach up slowly as you are weak and that first drop rolls down your tongue and you thirst for more. That is the scenario that I feel often describes a persons first voyage into the world of EMR's.

Life is a journey. Throughout that journey you are meant to explore and to delve deeper into who you are and to what brings you life. I had a choice as many of us have. My choices were to continue on in my marriage wearing a mask, watching the very things that I cherish about myself slowly disappear forever or, to put value into who I am, a person who loves life, exploration, communication and who loves to give to someone who truly appreciates who I am.

Isn't that what many of us are in search of? To some, seeking such a relationship may be perceived as wrong or immoral. But why is it that they don't see that stifling ones growth and denying ones own desires is also wrong?

As the saying goes… before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. We have all walked many miles, our shoes are tattered and the soles are worn. We climbed many mountains, foraged through the forests and wept in the meadows. And with luck we managed to find the very spot where we first began. Those of us that choose to explore an EMR choose not to continue along the same path as the others. Instead, we branch off and begin a new path, creating an extension of the original path first created. This extension allows us to feel and grow but still walk the path that we had chosen… a path to self-discovery.   ©